Training Tips

QUESTION: I just sold a horse that has been with me for about 8 years and he has always had my other horse as a buddy. The people who bought him called after just 3 days saying he won't eat or drink and they are having a hard time catching him in his stall. He is also weaving "Dancing" as they call it back and forth in his stall and in the pasture when he is put out even with other horses that were put out with him. Is this a separation issue or just plan anxiety from being in a new place without his buddy? I'm very concerned about his health. They say his flanks are starting to sink in. Is there anything I can do to help him settle into his new home? Will he be able to settle in before he causes some serious health problems to himself? Would it help or hurt more if I was to move his pasture buddy up there for a little while to help him settle in? I've never delt with a problem like this and all I hear from other people is,"Oh he will be fine just let him go." Any advice you could give would be appreciated very much.

REPLY: Well...that problem there is a toughy. My heart really goes out to you and to the horse you just sold there. I think people sometimes underestimate how deeply social horses really are. Horses are ten times more social than humans (fact!). So imagine that! We need to bring great empathy into the picture there and see things from the heart and from your sent-away horse's viewpoint. He just lost the best friend he ever had in life (from his perspective) and I know how painful this is for you to watch from a distance. And how painful it is to him right now.

Weaving, by the way, is quite a neurotic behavior that involves the horse shifting rhythmically from forefoot to forefoot, sometimes swinging the head as well. This releases endorphins in the horse's brain to try to make him feel better, but unfortunately, the endorphin release can be addictive. Plus stall weaving can lead to weight loss, poor performance and weak tendons. It never occurs in the wild, and generally occurs in horses that are, or were, stalled and had bottled up energy or nervousness they needed to vent in some way. Once the behavior has been learned, it's real tough to break. Not stalling the horse at all, but leaving him outdoors in a large enough pasture 24/7 is a good start to remedying that problem. The fact that this horse is seen weaving in pasture now, as well, even with other horses, shows the great state of anxiety he's in right now.

I think you have to get real creative there in several different directions all at once, to help him emotionally to settle in there. If the new owner is game, you might indeed think about bringing your horse for a visit to help this sold horse with his mourning process (he's mourning; that's what you're seeing there). That's a start, to let him see his best friend is still alive and well and he can have "visitation rights." And let him settle in there in his new home for a bit alongside his bud if that's at all possible. This will probably help him to get back to eating, drinking, and "coming down from" his depression there, on the immediate front. If that were at all possible, that's what I'd probably do myself.

But more importantly...on the bigger picture front, the new owner needs to get busy there in creating a deeper bond with this horse so the horse will start to believe he's got a new good deal there and here's what I'd like you to suggest to them (feel free to forward this on to them):

Read this link on my site for horse whispering "tricks of the trade" bonding techniques we use to deeply bond a horse to us, using applied prey animal psychology:

And then they should think about getting my DVD set, the Whispering Way 12-Step Total Training System, which teaches a gentle system for laying a horse's foundation down that then creates a highly trusting, compliant, happy, safer horse. They can read more about and order the DVD set here: CLICK HERE

After watching the videos, and after learning and applying the methods, they, as the horse's primary teacher will have taught the horse:

This video set will help to lay down an even stronger, more solid and trusting foundation under the horse there that will then serve them well, tremendously, actually, when they do step up into the saddle. By the time they complete the steps, they will have a transformed horse. The final steps are in the saddle and those exercises will more deeply plant into the horse's foundation the one-rein stop/the "safety zone," and more, that will turn him into a far, far more rational, trusting, happier -- and safer -- horse in saddle as well.

And they can do this themselves, to get in there now to emotionally help this horse, if they just back up and learn a few things there. The videos will get them there the fastest with that horse, which is why I'm recommending this route. It's designed for anyone on any level, horse or human, to get professional trainer-like results.

I do strongly feel that the bonding techniques I directed you to in the above link, which I show more in detail in the video set, while applying what is learned there, is going to turn that situation around with that horse, making him the rational, happier horse that I know they envision him being, while the methods simultaneously build stronger and stronger confidence in them for handling him nurturingly and supportively as well.

I'm a very strong believer that every horse owner is their horse's primary teacher/trainer whether they realize it or not. Every time we are with our horse, he is learning something. We just want to make sure he's learning what we want him to learn, not what we don't want him to learn! This route will help to get them and that horse on the right track there. It's gentle, it's effective, it's powerful. Works with every horse every time! And he will more quickly bond deeply with them and start to realize he's got a real good deal there now, after all, with his new family.

Another route on top of all that which I would like to recommend there: I think they need to work to get this horse "pair-bonded" to another horse they have there and that can be actively facilitated better by putting just the two of them alone in a paddock or smaller pasture together for a good while, many days even. Have them pick their most get-along horse, and if they are paired up as such, they will turn to each other for support. And from there a bond will develop. And don't release them back out with others until that bond has set in pretty deeply. I recommend this route often when a new outside horse comes in; it's recognizing their deep instinctive need to have a best friend, a pair bond, for good emotional health before having to deal with "the crowd." It's very much, as I see it, like introducing your teenage child to a new high school (imagine the stress level there in that child!). Get them pair bonded first with another teen before entering the "fray" and they do much better; so do horses.

One last link on my site that I think might help them there -- to learn a little more about natural horsemanship and prey animal psychology in general -- my "What is Natural Horsemanship" link here:

I hope this helps, and let me know if I can be of any further help to you there. My heart really goes out to you (and them). And it's a testiment to what a great, compassionate horse owner you are to even be concerned with this problem post-sale. I applaud you greatly for caring and listening to your heart. It matters.